"Are You Dreaming?"

[Volaticus]

(This is an older piece. I do think it has potential, and there are parts I really like myself. But I also think that it needs, probably a great deal of work, so feedback could really be a great and appreciated help )

"Are You Dreaming?"

Where the old pendulum swing
And the windblown church bells ring
In all eternity; the coloured memories cling.

In the cottage from the woods
By the lakes or the creeks
No sound weeps - all sleeps.

No tearing, nor scratching
No wearing, nor latching
All things hatching.

In the place, where dark is darker
And the bright, - is so much brighter
Sounds; clean and clear
I must be here!

Fear and hate; Vanished
Greyscale; Completely and utterly banished.

And so; Where the old pendulum swing
The windblown church bells ring
And all the memories cling
That's truly, - where all the blue birds sing.



FIRST REWRITE ATTEMPT:

Out In The Country

Where the old pendulums swing
And the windblown church bells ring;
- All the memories cling.

In a cottage in the woods
By the lakes or the creeks
No crow weeps
– All sleeps.

No tearing, nor scratching
No wearing, nor latching
All nests hatching.

In the place where dark, and bright
Nestle.
Sounds; Clean and clear
I must be here!

Fear and hate; Vanished
A trough; Replenished

And so; Where the old pendulums swing
The windblown church bells ring
And all the memories cling
The blue birds
Will forever sing.


I've really tried hard to make use of all the good advise I got, to rewrite this poem. Some feedback would be very helpful