03-28-2013, 12:48 AM
Hi,
Your poem is quite good. I have a few suggestions here and there...
The line 'people forming a blanket' is not very clear.
L10: My suggestion is to replace 'throughout my head' with something else, both words don't suit each other.
L11: Everything, besides my memories, is dead. Here 'is' comes for everything so 'are' is incorrect grammatically.
Cheers
Your poem is quite good. I have a few suggestions here and there...
The line 'people forming a blanket' is not very clear.
L10: My suggestion is to replace 'throughout my head' with something else, both words don't suit each other.
L11: Everything, besides my memories, is dead. Here 'is' comes for everything so 'are' is incorrect grammatically.
Cheers
~Neena