Echo

[milo]

I wrote this piece for a Creative Writing course I am taking this semester. Our assignment was to write a poem in the style of Steven Jesse Bernstein. Enjoy


Echo

I went to the park
to breathe in the air
‘cause my lungs
have been aching
and straining to fill.


The sun went down
below the horizon,

and I stopped and stared
at the stars in the sky
and widened my eyes
at the darkened abyss,
infinite...

And I shrunk,
and I shrunk
to the size of an ant
and I played in the grass
with the dirt and the dew,
and the earth bared its veins
with its sweat shown too,
and it glowed bright green,
and it grew to the size
of the stars in the sky . . . 


And the world got so big

I blipped out of existence,

like the light
in your room

going dark from a storm,
spinning down
with the sounds
that echo.

The writing here is all pretty strong. I won't really workshop it as this is novice but, parts I liked:

repetition of I shrunk. Actually, that whole third stanza is the strongest in the poem. "played in the grass with the dirt and the dew . ." very nice attention to detail and sound.

nice read
fantastic post
well done

milo