Can You Be A Man?

[softlyfalling]

On the whole, I have rarely read any poems that use vernacular syntax with such purpose. It is advice given with passion and love by a desperate lover to her man, trying to save him from himself, giving him reasons to become a new man. This would be awkward except as written. There are many details that you can edit for more power and effect. Lots of good feedback in Mikey's comment, to start with.
May I offer a couple of respectful suggestions?
what do you think of:

The starless nights
left you afraid
because you knew birds were meant to fly
but didn't know how
or why.
Baby,
you needed help.

and:
But listen,
they gave us nothing
so we have nothing to lose
and everything to prove.