Passion - Sonnet 3

[Todd]

Hi Robert Wayne, welcome to the site!

I like your imagery around the bricks and building a foundation.

Here are a few comments for you to consider:

L8: your rhyme seems off here.

L11: flowered seems wrong for the building metaphor you're working with.

Ending couplet: love seemed to come out of nowhere. The sonnet needs to build more toward the conclusion.

You also have some phrasing that feel more like prose than you probably want like "my response is that.

There's more to get into, but I don't want to be overwhelming.

It's a good concept. I'd just look to stick with your guiding metaphor and substitute prosey elements with more imagery. After nailing the content you can work on smoothing the form.

Hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd

Passion makes this demanding foundation,
These bricks, often quite egotistical,
They stand without divine Supervision,
Although the Thought would be quite whimsical.

"But how?" They ask, as if They are in awe,
"You must," They say, "Submit," or "You are damned:
To the fire of its justice filled maw;
Or the sure aimlessness of a man, freed."

My response is that I am quite assured,
For confidence holds these bricks together,
But not faith, no, that had come and flowered
Long ago, and now I can move further.

Passion makes this demanding foundation,
And love, is good enough motivation.

Note: I wrote this in a sonnet form because the sonnet form is like a base (a foundation if you will) that I can just pour myself into, and make things like this. Any criticisms are greatly appreciated.