Man & Wife

[cidermaid]

Hi Wjames,

Similar to Mikey i had a few problems getting into this but likewise liked the tone and overall read. I'll give a few thoughts on how i read this and anything that comes to me about this. My appoligies for the amount of comments i'd forgotten which thread I was in.

Dreamcast silver This first stanza places me in mind that this is a dream but further I get an image of a silver life line from the pikes...then further that these dream state, silver life lines are somehow more solid than just a dream and they have a nasty spike on the end. However I am left unsure whether this is a view seen from the first person or a second person account
solid pikes,
made out of human skulls. I do struggle a bit here because you have just told me they are made of silver...but it still kind of works because of the lifeline connection in my mind...so human referance introduces the image that this is going to be something a bit sinister.

Window seated
man and wife, Ok the introduction of our subjects. (I've been told it is man and wife in the title so is this needed could these lines be used to give me some more information about the whys of this story). The window seated, gives this a pastoral tone and air of normality
drown the coach with love. Hmm... not sure of the images here. I am left unsure again. Have we gone all historical and this is a coach n four, is it a bus or train coach. I do get a picture in my head of the happy couple being all over each other in thier affections.

Angry voices in my head
sense the sight
and smile. I disagree about the idea of a voice not being able to convey a smile. I think that because it is plural voice[s] this makes for a solid image. Like a room will convey an emoition or atmospher from the general hubub of noise. I think this image or picture would still work even it it was single voice. The inflection given to the spoken word is well able to convey a second or deeper meaning than the written word. But ifeel there is some further confusion her as to the speaker / narator and what the voices have to smile about. Perhaps a bit more thought as to if the angry voices are heard as part of a dream or are observed by a third party. Also the last scene was pastoral and lovey / dovey why the anger?I got a bit confused here...it happens a lot in my world!

Midnight murder flowing red;
cold delight
reviles. All solid and good images. I'm now thinking murder on the orient express (so a train coach). Was it a phisical murder or a dreamed one...it maters not i think the thought was the deed.

Overall i think this has a lot going for it and I do like a story or poem with a twist in so this won my vote on subject.
AJ.