I apologise because I'm in a hurry, but my immediate suggestion is that you rethink your use of the word "creation" in S1 L3 -- it's one of those huge concepts that doesn't really give us much detail. Aside from that, to my ear it buggers up your meter 
I lose the meter again in S3 L2 and "what hand formed" is to blame. It sounds as though I have an aversion to biblical references, I know! Still... I'd call that borderline cliche.
It's fascinating to see the origins of your other work and how it's evolved. You are correct in that this works as a stand-alone piece. Your command of sound makes this (mostly) pleasing to the ear, so the words seep into the brain.
I lose the meter again in S3 L2 and "what hand formed" is to blame. It sounds as though I have an aversion to biblical references, I know! Still... I'd call that borderline cliche.
It's fascinating to see the origins of your other work and how it's evolved. You are correct in that this works as a stand-alone piece. Your command of sound makes this (mostly) pleasing to the ear, so the words seep into the brain.
It could be worse