03-21-2013, 01:07 AM
This is subtle in the way it opens up slowly... builds up to the fist embrace and consequent dance. Every gesture is erotic in a graceful, gracious way. But may I offer one suggestion? There is a conflict of tense between the first and second lines..."stood" should crrespond to "lean"....perhaps use "stand" instead? I am ever an advocate for present tense anyway, unless the mood demands a historical detachment or romantic memory.