03-20-2013, 02:20 PM
Consecrated, sanctified: I thought this was a betrothal to Jesus, at first. But unless you fancy him more peppy than I do, I think not. 
Rather she's waiting for someone she's bound to in the eyes of God?
'endures beyond the advent of palest morning'
At first 'rite' seems obvious in meaning, but then this line makes its meaning a little more uncertain. But only till the last line, which I like quite a bit. Modest, yet not at all. Romantic, but alluding to baseness.
You could put a colon at the end of L3, and a period at the end of L6.
All in all, I thought it pretty good. To me, there doesn't seem anything to add or remove (possibly I'm a naive critic with not enough experience).
Mikey.
Rather she's waiting for someone she's bound to in the eyes of God?'endures beyond the advent of palest morning'
At first 'rite' seems obvious in meaning, but then this line makes its meaning a little more uncertain. But only till the last line, which I like quite a bit. Modest, yet not at all. Romantic, but alluding to baseness.
You could put a colon at the end of L3, and a period at the end of L6.
All in all, I thought it pretty good. To me, there doesn't seem anything to add or remove (possibly I'm a naive critic with not enough experience).
Mikey.