Thirst

[Todd]

Hi Carlie,

I always like these types of short, evocative poems. Comments below:

She was in a frosty morning--I would be tempted to cut the "in"
Born with a pine needle
In her heart;--this is a cool image. It does make me think of a Sierra Club Vampire drinking sap, but I'm odd that way. I still like it. I wonder if it's a dry pine needle
And was given
No milk, no blood. She's shifting in ashes.--Not sure about the necessity of this final phrase. While ashes are an outcome of flame, I'm not sure they in themselves make me think of thirst.

She's been thirsty ever since she opened her eyes,--like these statements between strophes. I'd almost want a period to end both of these two statements and have you shift the next strophe if necessary. In the second instance it may mean just cutting the "For"

Seeing every other nimbus
blowing away as soon
As she gazes,
Making rivers
And lakes and drapes all flow vertically:

She's been thirsty ever since she stood on her feet,--again like this

For she knows she would sink into heavens,
Were her lips to touch the sword-blade rapids.--I also like the phrasing of sword-blade rapids

Enjoyed. I hope some of that was helpful.

Best,

Todd