03-20-2013, 04:48 AM
This is good, indeed. I have to say I felt a bit ill-at-ease with "bleed me dead / for all the sins" : I thought the poem was gonna be a hackneyed biblical reference (this is NOT against religion of any kind : I have no problem with this type of allegories or references as long as they're coherent with the poem, and worded in an inspiring way... just like everything else), but I was reassured after. I like the second stanza especially. Love the lines "Everything inside is exactly the same / Yet we've never shared the same soul." Maybe try not to repeat "the same", if an elegant alternative is possible ?
@softlyfalling : feeling sympathy with the author's feelings is good, but not sufficient, in my opinion. A poet must pay close attention to the "musical" and cultural properties (connotations, innuendos...) of the material he uses. This is what makes the difference between a poem and a page from a diary, for example - though many hybrid and intermediate forms are possible, as always in literature. And this is why, I think, many readers are reluctant to comment. Add the fact that several poems are posted everyday in each category, and not everybody has the time to scrutinise everything, even if they enjoyed their read...
@softlyfalling : feeling sympathy with the author's feelings is good, but not sufficient, in my opinion. A poet must pay close attention to the "musical" and cultural properties (connotations, innuendos...) of the material he uses. This is what makes the difference between a poem and a page from a diary, for example - though many hybrid and intermediate forms are possible, as always in literature. And this is why, I think, many readers are reluctant to comment. Add the fact that several poems are posted everyday in each category, and not everybody has the time to scrutinise everything, even if they enjoyed their read...