03-19-2013, 04:40 AM
I was about to say the same thing as Todd 
Your poetry sounds very pretty and you do have some good phrasing -- I like "exhibition eyes", for example. Where this all falls down -- and bear in mind that this is only a criticism I would make for someone I thought was writing well and ready to take the next step -- is the fairly abstract notions of love, dreams and soul. Sometimes we use these words expecting that people will just know what we're talking about -- and for the most part that's true, but it's also part of the problem as readers tend to nod and move on when they're not presented with something really fresh and unique. For example, "that transcendent place of ecstasy and harmony" doesn't tell me much -- just that it's probably quite nice there. I would love to see you incorporate some "showing" into your poems.
Having said that, I do enjoy reading your words. You control language nicely and there is a great deal of potential here.
Your poetry sounds very pretty and you do have some good phrasing -- I like "exhibition eyes", for example. Where this all falls down -- and bear in mind that this is only a criticism I would make for someone I thought was writing well and ready to take the next step -- is the fairly abstract notions of love, dreams and soul. Sometimes we use these words expecting that people will just know what we're talking about -- and for the most part that's true, but it's also part of the problem as readers tend to nod and move on when they're not presented with something really fresh and unique. For example, "that transcendent place of ecstasy and harmony" doesn't tell me much -- just that it's probably quite nice there. I would love to see you incorporate some "showing" into your poems.
Having said that, I do enjoy reading your words. You control language nicely and there is a great deal of potential here.
It could be worse