I'm told

[NakedBear]

hi Mikey

actually I liked "real lonely" better... felt more conversational in a Steinback's Grapes of Wrath type of way. one way or another, congrats on a beautifully written poem.

I agree that 'real' had a good conversational tone to it that I like. But it seems the word 'lonely' gains something from being alone on the line (the significance of which is imparted by the theme? I'm talking out my butt, maybe. ).

Also, did you change your nick? Weren't you goldfishy, or something like that (I've only been here a short time)?

Thanks for your thoughts.

Mikey.

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Hi softlyfalling,

Thanks for the feedback. I agree that this poem concerns non-romantic and mundane things, and so lacks the charm of romance and otherness that I also love to read. But it is what it is.

I wrote this after staring into the dark for much too long, when really I should be have been sleeping. That is to say: to remove 'these I know' would be to undo my intent altogether.

Mikey.