03-16-2013, 01:53 PM
It's a good read and has been well edited to here. Do you want to play with it some more? If you do you could try to edit out the conversational tone of the piece by trying to make the lines more declarative. ie: " So make sure you leave a name for the world to sing" could be "Leave a name for the world to sing." Almost every line could be shortened. Not sure it makes it better, but it might be fun. Cheers!