I'm told

[NakedBear]

I like the simplicity of the poem combined with great rhythm, cool word play, and real emotion. I agree it might flow better without some words like "with", but that's the only critique I can offer you. Thanks for the read .

Thank you very much for your review. I'm pleased you've enjoyed it, and I agree that 'with' is best removed.

Thanks.

Mikey.

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I really like that. Very nice =]

I'm very glad you liked it! Thanks.

Mikey.

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This is a really emotive little poem that has a lot going for it. The bookends are great, as are the varied line lengths. I also like the simplicity of the second line in conjunction with the first -- it seems an obvious statement, but to me that's what makes it more poignant. I would be tempted to cut a couple of words, like "with" in L3 and maybe even "real" in L6.

Thanks for posting, I enjoyed this.

As for a title, I was thinking maybe an address might work as something a bit different -- along the lines of 42 Winter Street or something, so that you get a feeling of an empty house as well.

Again, thank you very much for taking the time to critique my work.

After some thought, I've decided to remove 'real' from before 'lonely'. It was blunting the impact of 'lonely'. I've also removed 'with', which I had added in the belief that it was grammatically necessary.

The hardest part was finding a title. Your suggestion sent me on a bit of a journey. First, address of a home. Then maybe a letter addressed to a family member, like 'To mother's favoured son'. But finally I decided this was a diary entry for a lonely man and his musings. And so the title is:

Dated the 25th of December

I’ve never lived alone,
I’m told it’s lonely:
cold sheets,
silent meals,
restive hearts confined by space.
Lonely.
Restive space confined by heart,
silent meals,
cold sheets,
these I know.
Luckily, though,
I’ve never lived alone.

Do you think that works alright?

Thanks again.

Mikey.