absolution

[tectak]

Would appreciate any and all suggestions (including binning) particularly with the last line, doesn't seem quite right.


I have chosen a dense dress
that covers my ankles.
Forcing down my budding breasts I force down my budding breasts, to put the pastor at his ease. This eliminates the possibility that the pastor is forcing down your budding breasts. It also returns the "ease" to where it is intended....in the eyes of the beholder!
puts the pastor at ease.


In my mind I am the virgin Mary. I know you mentioned this but I think you eliminated the virgin instead of the Mary! In my mind I am The Virgin. That seems more apposite to this agnostic. Your poem
With ribbons, I tie back red,
the root of all evil. I am struggling here. You disabuse a cliche. Money, not red! The line is further confused by the syntax. Please read it out loud to clarify. You wrote :
" With ribbons, I tie back red, the root of all evil." Now, it is OK, red hair and all that is Irish....but the root of all evil? Where did that come from? Or more saliently, where is it going? Next stanza? Nope


Beneath the river dark comma after river or it is "...river dark water"
water steals my breath.
Dying here so young,
awaiting rebirth. ...but very nice; isolated, though.


The cleansing doesn’t come possibly semi colon here...but something is needed
Soaked and solemn in the sun.
I loosen wet ribbons, I loosen my wet ribbons, nothing else can be undone. Poignant.
nothing more to be done.

Last line. " Nothing more to be undone"
More later.
Best,
tectak