This is a really emotive little poem that has a lot going for it. The bookends are great, as are the varied line lengths. I also like the simplicity of the second line in conjunction with the first -- it seems an obvious statement, but to me that's what makes it more poignant. I would be tempted to cut a couple of words, like "with" in L3 and maybe even "real" in L6.
Thanks for posting, I enjoyed this.
As for a title, I was thinking maybe an address might work as something a bit different -- along the lines of 42 Winter Street or something, so that you get a feeling of an empty house as well.
Thanks for posting, I enjoyed this.
As for a title, I was thinking maybe an address might work as something a bit different -- along the lines of 42 Winter Street or something, so that you get a feeling of an empty house as well.
It could be worse