03-10-2013, 08:34 PM
we only do hoenst here 
the meter is flawed
are you going for iambic?
if not, some of the trochees work and some don't
not sure if there's a clear deliniation between the question and answer the sonnet form requires.
it's a good effort though.
the meter is flawed
are you going for iambic?
if not, some of the trochees work and some don't
not sure if there's a clear deliniation between the question and answer the sonnet form requires.
it's a good effort though.
(03-10-2013, 03:24 PM)NakedBear Wrote: With this inform all critique
I now beseech your true critiques to flow
as many sudden rocks from mountain freed.
But, with one condition, if one I may impose: extra foot
That, ahead of hated words, love must lead,
like the ox driver does his beastly charge,
who, not restrained, in town brings death and pain
yet yoked and chained can farmer’s yield enlarge!
Or when diverted stones leave him unslain,
a thankful one who finds his soul then changed:
Potential filled; flowed in from life reprieved.
Filled not with voids and pains yet rearranged
by ox and rocks without some love conceived!
So, do tell me truths, hateful to my ear.
You must! Just be kind, if to you I’m dear.
Any comments welcome, even the unkind sort.
How's my meter?