03-10-2013, 09:18 AM
Building upon the other critiques here:
I agree with all of Todd's comments except for the last one (re: title. Will explain below). I am in the unknown as to Tom's arse point: Is not rubenesque referring to voluptuous female arses correct?
I like Mark's suggestion towards a stronger closing line (exactly as he phrased it ,-) That would have been (fictional of course!) me!yes! ;-))))
As to the title: I don't want you to give away : Brass bold (with the Brass Gold allusion).
Maybe use both:
title: Brass Bold
subtitle: She wasn't worth it!
This is just the kind of dirty and sick poetry I dig most.
cheers
mad gurk
I agree with all of Todd's comments except for the last one (re: title. Will explain below). I am in the unknown as to Tom's arse point: Is not rubenesque referring to voluptuous female arses correct?
I like Mark's suggestion towards a stronger closing line (exactly as he phrased it ,-) That would have been (fictional of course!) me!yes! ;-))))
As to the title: I don't want you to give away : Brass bold (with the Brass Gold allusion).
Maybe use both:
title: Brass Bold
subtitle: She wasn't worth it!
This is just the kind of dirty and sick poetry I dig most.
cheers
mad gurk