Water world

[Keith]

Hi keith,

Another micro-world. In a rain storm puddle.
Loved the first line. (My old dog used to say when it had stopped raining - he had very firm views concerning rain).
The "streak" in L3 caused me to giggle and given your previous humourful poems I'm assuming it was intentional. Loved the image of a streaking worm. Terrorising the "nice" lakeside community with nudity. (Appoligies if not intentional - but still thinks it works with the semi double meaning)... four naked worms in a coxless! Then ripple becomes nipple in the mind despite how many times I read it and note it is ripple. Sorry my brain is not normally this way inclined, obviously been spending too long in the sewer. Then we ("nice") individuals walk on looking for some well mannered slugs.

Either as an image of nature or as I had corrupted your nice poem...I really enjoyed this one (Again - damm it! You can turn out great little poems all day it seems) ><

Thanks for the read AJ.

Ha Ha you have definatley been spending too much time down there,the Sewer does that to you, you know, actually your spot on but ripple nipple was just fortunate and something my angelic mind could not see thanks for your kind words
Keith

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The dog said the rain had stopped;
flooded worms,
streak out on lake paths,
Coxless fours in formation
tiny oars plunge,
with each forward ripple,
boats nudge towards the finish.
We walk on, looking for slugs,
tacking across the bay.

The vision of tiny oars plunging takes the metaphor and turns it into something enjoyably absurd. I mean, really - tiny oars?

To further describe your the speaker's motion as 'tacking across the bay' really finishes the whole image of a lake with boaters and wetness and such.

It was enjoyable.

Thanks for your comments much appreciated. TOMH

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The dog said the rain had stopped;
flooded worms,
streak out on lake paths,
Coxless fours in formation
tiny oars plunge,
with each forward ripple,
boats nudge towards the finish.
We walk on, looking for slugs,
tacking across the bay.

no crit really there may be something wrong with it but i think it's great as it stands (me not being on gramma an' all) just a really mnor nit, would it better as "the dog says the rain has stopped" which would fit in with the tense in the next lines? putting "the rain has stopped" in quotes. great job loved it.

Yes "has" is better will change, gramma as ever a challenge I fail at thanks for your time much appreciated.