New hope

[Todd]

Hi Jamie, A couple comments below for you:

Remember I am a donkey, not even a pig let alone a hog.--Maybe, "Hey, I'm just starting with poetry. Any thoughts?"



New hope

When your winter is a month too long
and you hear no peace in the robins song.--while I don't mind this thought, it's too early in the poem to go there. Find something negative without alluding to finding joy in nature and the simple things yet
You've lost all faith in the human race
and for you there is no intervening God.

I like the phrasing for "intervening God". This reads pretty smoothly. I'd like to see you read it out loud and look and look to make the meter a bit more consistent. We have some things on meter in the poetry practice forum that will go into way more detail. Suffice it to say that when you rhyme you're looking for the flow that meter brings to enhance it. Even without knowing anything about it reading it out loud will tell you when the line feels too short or too long. Make adjustments

You find some hope in your daughters eyes
but it's soon lost in the people's cries and your lovers lies.
You're looking for something that you know is there
but you just can't find at February's end.

You have a lot of possessive nouns throughout the poem. Look for making your use of apostrophes consistent. I like that you brought February in to point back to your original line. First stanza: When things are bad. Second stanza: When things I've relied on to lift me up no longer work. Line 3 here is too vague to be impactful think of a substitute, or a more evocative way to express it

You won't find it in a whiskey jar
a bag of weed or a nine bar.
A poker game doesn't hold the key
a diamond flush can't set you free.
For all the wealth that you can gain
it can't fix this worlds pain.

--I love these short quick lines. Stanza 3: Here's where you won't find it.

So where can you go to find this hope
that you need so bad you'll never let go,
well, it's just my opinion right or wrong
you'll find it in the first spring sunrise
just after dawn.

--The problem with the ending is you need one stanza devoted to what it is. You have too much space devoted to: Where can you find it I'm about to tell you, and I'm getting to it now

Honestly though, much better than the first poems I wrote. You've got an idea that you develop. It's fairly smooth. It just needs some work to bring it out more like every other poem does.

I hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd[/b]