New hope

[billy]

hi jamie

the conetent isn't too bad, you have some cliches , some wordiness and the rhyme scheme that seems vacant.

So where can you go to find this hope equates to where is hope?
that you need so bad you'll never let go, equates to packing, it say a lot but has little bearing.
well, it's just my opinion right or wrong it equates to more packing
you'll find it in the first spring sunrise equates to you'll find it in the first spring sunrise

where is hope?
you'll find it in the first spring sunrise.

okay that's pretty strict but once you get the nuts and bolts you can play around with it.
keep your eye on punctuation. (robbin's song)
i like the 1st verse. specially the first two lines, thats what you have to aim for. with the rest of the poem. compare those two line with the last verse.
all in all not a bad effort at all

Remember I am a donkey, not even a pig let alone a hog.



New hope

When your winter is a month too long
and you hear no peace in the robins song.
You've lost all faith in the human race
and for you there is no intervening God.

You find some hope in your daughters eyes
but it's soon lost in the people's cries and your lovers lies.
You're looking for something that you know is there
but you just can't find at February's end.

You won't find it in a whiskey jar
a bag of weed or a nine bar.
A poker game doesn't hold the key
a diamond flush can't set you free.
For all the wealth that you can gain
it can't fix this worlds pain.

So where can you go to find this hope
that you need so bad you'll never let go,
well, it's just my opinion right or wrong
you'll find it in the first spring sunrise
just after dawn.