Brass Bold

[Todd]

You have the most fun irreverent writes. Here are some comments:

Casually she rubs under her breast,--I'm not sure about words like casually. Is there a way you can build the action that shows that it's a casual thing without the adverb.
then lights a bong with the lighter--maybe "that lighter"
she stole from the handicap charity shop,
where she use to work part time.--used

Plump like a calf
her tits loll across her upper arm.--love this progression
Eyes wide, she squeezes smoke deep--This is a great line
into cavernous lungs.--again this works, I'm just not sure that you don't have better options than the adjective...exhaling like a pipe organ (and than noting the noises she makes) or like a bellows (and than play with the fire and smoke imagery). Like I said, it works I just wonder if you're selling the set up short. If that makes sense

I kiss the small of her back
just above crease of a Ruben's arse.--Creative phrasing here. I like this.
My thumbs rest in the dimples
at the base of her padded spine.

"fuck off you dirty old bugger,"

she snorts like a pig hunting truffles.
Tells me to leave the money
next to the enamel basin on the wash stand.
I think about leaving a tip.

She wasn't worth it.--I'd be tempted to make this your title and end on the tip line

Enjoyed the read Billy. I hope some of that helps, ignore what doesn't.

Best,

Todd