03-07-2013, 05:33 PM
Hi dizzy,
As a poem you have managed to make it real and to comunicate a thought and emotion to a reader, so in this you have achieved your desire. Great first effort. Your punctuation is a bit off in a couple of places. One of the first things I had to learn (as well as the whole thick skin thing) was the idea of actually reading my poems out loud. When i do this the punctuation and gramma issues tend to stick out and become obvious. Hope this is of some help.
Well done welcome to the site and keep on writing.
AJ.
As a poem you have managed to make it real and to comunicate a thought and emotion to a reader, so in this you have achieved your desire. Great first effort. Your punctuation is a bit off in a couple of places. One of the first things I had to learn (as well as the whole thick skin thing) was the idea of actually reading my poems out loud. When i do this the punctuation and gramma issues tend to stick out and become obvious. Hope this is of some help.
Well done welcome to the site and keep on writing.
AJ.