03-07-2013, 12:54 PM
Thanks again for additional suggestions. I'll take them into consideration. And yes, I will continue posting feedback!
(03-07-2013, 04:18 AM)billy Wrote: first off i'm strulling to see a coherant rhyme scheme. so if you want one make sure the rhymes have a constant pattern.
your falling into a common act of using one or two word lines when they would really be better adjoined to another line. it weakens the poem and doesn't work that well unless it done with some good reason.
my suggestion would be to edit 5 or 10 lines at a time, write them as you would speak them and use the pauses as line breaks. it's easier to do shorter edits than a huge one. it is good to se you editing.
don't forget to leve fedback elsewhere
