Snow Angel

[Michelle311]

Hi there. Made some comments below. Mostly I agree with Serge and TecTak but thought it would be good to hear from a novice for some reason. Hope I'm of some help!

Although I have to say, I enjoyed their comments. Makes me both excited and terrified to post anything, hope you had the same reaction (So glad I found this forum)

Early morning of so numbingly cold Seems to be too many useless words in this line for me
I see the sun between the mountains high
I see your breath as it turns into gold Silver would be better...?
The early age of February sky Maybe this should be earlier in the stanza?

But is it possible to compare that? Lose the ? here.
To your beauty keeping me awake
Is there a chance that I could leave my hat?
So I can take my so well-deserved brake I think TecTak already took care of this

I see the diamants among the snow
The purity of the air is spotless
But it is you who is shining, I know
It is like you are wearing a red dressI'm not sure what this stanza is trying to do..?

Cuz I can only see you among this
Hey miss, If only I could get a kiss I don't mind this last line, kinda sweet

I started to edit more. But stopped since I think we're supposed to keep the critique lighter. I would start with losing the rhyme. But I hope we get to see an edit because the other two are right -- the great thing about just starting out is the progress you make!

Thanks for the read
-M