emerging

[billy]

good solid edit goldy, i did like the middle stanza best in the origiinal but the choice is yours.

revision

The rumbling of self-awareness
trampolines inside my skull,
expanding, no need for the comma if the words trying to make a statement, you could even seperate the word on it's own line with a line space above and below it.
spilling out my ears in waves of liquid air. would from my ears work better?
It washes me in smoky essence;
I feel my beauty again.
I am whole: mind rejoined with body
which didn’t run off
this time.
just a suggestion; would 'a' work before 'body' means you could do away with the last line, which feels a bit weak?

I can see the heaviness no need for 'can'
tethering me still.
But I breathe a steady, inward breath
and pick out, capture
tiny particles of happiness
floating through sunshine.
Inch by inch they creep through
my cluttered pores
and stopped up nerves;
as they sink in
and clear out the mess
I begin to radiate,
aglow with knowledge of me.
apart from the edit of this stanza's first line, i preferred the wording of the original 2nd stanza.

And my chains grow looser. i can't give a reason but i preferred longer, i think it's more ominious in the freedom you're finding that you do realise you're still chained to some extent.

They begin to thin,
pulling away,
apart from the yesteryears
of writhing tears
and pained breath
haunted thoughts
and flashing wake-dreams
(materialized as reflections would the lines in parentheses be better as their own stanza, possibly italicised instead of parentheses?
in the mirror
the puddles
of full eyes).

I have jumped the gap;
now to remember
to stay on this side. no need for 'to'