Slave

[Nicolefinley]

hi Nicole,
this is a nice start to something, you have some good images, but it needs some clarification and development.
I'm not sure what kind of slave you're talking about... 18th century American slaves, slaves in ancient Greece/Rome, contemporary slaves to technology... clearing that up will help.
I love the second stanza, it evokes well, but it needs more context. the third stanza begins well, but the last line adds nothing-- it seems to be there just to rhyme without giving the reader any information.
I'm curious, why grape, bread, and worm?
with some work this could be a very thought-provoking piece. :]

Goldyfish,
Thanks for the pointers. In my poetry, I'm very much about maintaining the essence of mystery. The grape, bread, and worm are all symbols of alcohol - wine, beer, tequila. I am in high school and see so many people become slaves to partying. That is what this poem is about, discretely.