03-03-2013, 12:16 AM
hi Nicole,
this is a nice start to something, you have some good images, but it needs some clarification and development.
I'm not sure what kind of slave you're talking about... 18th century American slaves, slaves in ancient Greece/Rome, contemporary slaves to technology... clearing that up will help.
I love the second stanza, it evokes well, but it needs more context. the third stanza begins well, but the last line adds nothing-- it seems to be there just to rhyme without giving the reader any information.
I'm curious, why grape, bread, and worm?
with some work this could be a very thought-provoking piece. :]
this is a nice start to something, you have some good images, but it needs some clarification and development.
I'm not sure what kind of slave you're talking about... 18th century American slaves, slaves in ancient Greece/Rome, contemporary slaves to technology... clearing that up will help.
I love the second stanza, it evokes well, but it needs more context. the third stanza begins well, but the last line adds nothing-- it seems to be there just to rhyme without giving the reader any information.
I'm curious, why grape, bread, and worm?
with some work this could be a very thought-provoking piece. :]
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.