03-01-2013, 03:08 AM
I created this poem about 5 minutes ago.
Please give me any and all critique.
Many thanks.
Naive and young I was, when I first met her
Immediately, I was captivated by her wondrous allure
Every chance I got to stare, I stole it like a thief
As my eyes were dumfounded in a profound disbelief
This girl did not know I even existed in space
Which is ironic, because she granted me amnesty from time and place
One day, when I was lost in her angelic trance
Her eyes met mine, and my heart started to prance
She cast an embarrassed smile and then looked down
How stupid I was, I thought myself a clown
It amazed me how a single, momentary glance
Could force every fiber in my being into a vivacious dance
I had no idea what was happening to me because
She made me reconsider everything I ever thought I was
Later that week, she told me she had a secret that I have to promise not to tell
I swore to it, as my anxiety started to swell
She said that she carried a little girl’s crush
My face turned a crimson, as I started to blush
She drew a deep breath and slowly let it all out
She said I am the guy she is talking about
At that very moment, I was lost in an unreal blissful sea
I was enraptured with an overpowering ecstasy
I told her that the feeling was mutual in every possible way
I have no idea what happened later that very day
All I remember is her infectious smile I know so well
I was enveloped in her divine spell
From that moment on, she was with me wherever I went
Her contagious personality plagued my mind, despite any event
The next four incredible weeks of my life were all with her by my side
I came to the epiphany that I loved this girl for who she was, not her hair that she died
Her ridiculous beauty, incredible body, and provoking looks were what started our romance
But, should that not have been so, they would not affect my stance
I fell for her, not what she wore
Her loving, caring, funny personality is what I adore
I told her she’d still be my mine
Even if she was fat, buck-toothed, and her mouth a crooked line
My friends thought I was losing my mind
They kept on asking me how I could be that blind
They simply did not understand what love meant to me
It came about from the small things, such as drinking tea
It came about from moments, like when she sat next to me
I’ll never forget the time when I was crying and distraught
With tears blurring my vision, she knew I was overwrought
She sat next to me and told me it would be okay
She rubbed my shoulder regardless of my attempts to get away
She handed me an item to wipe my tears
No one would have done this for me, not in a hundred years
She handed me her small, red, glove
That is love
As petty as that may appear
There lay not a single demur
I knew that I loved this girl, ever so
It felt as if I had met her, long long ago
She told me that in order to love another, she must love herself; she must know
This took a while for me to understand
The abstractness sure had my mind to bend
I wondered how she could not love her person
It seemed obvious to me, there was nothing that could possibly worsen
The next thing I knew, she told me it had to end
My whole being was ripped in half; impossible to mend
Everything I thought I knew was not true any longer
She flipped my world upside down as if she was stronger
I never had experienced anything like this
It was, as if I was being sucked into a deep, heartless abyss
I wanted to do everything to save our connection
But she evidently no longer holds her old affection
I trust that she will advocate for herself; she knows best
Despite how much I detest
I want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me
I felt as if our love was the beginning of a tree
I expected it to grow old, attaining many rings
But she uprooted it with the power of one-thousand flippant kings
I should not have let myself get too involved
My reality has completely dissolved
Nothing will help, not even the liqueur
I simply cannot defer
There is one last thing that I must do…
How Do I Forget Her?
Please give me any and all critique.
Many thanks.
Naive and young I was, when I first met her
Immediately, I was captivated by her wondrous allure
Every chance I got to stare, I stole it like a thief
As my eyes were dumfounded in a profound disbelief
This girl did not know I even existed in space
Which is ironic, because she granted me amnesty from time and place
One day, when I was lost in her angelic trance
Her eyes met mine, and my heart started to prance
She cast an embarrassed smile and then looked down
How stupid I was, I thought myself a clown
It amazed me how a single, momentary glance
Could force every fiber in my being into a vivacious dance
I had no idea what was happening to me because
She made me reconsider everything I ever thought I was
Later that week, she told me she had a secret that I have to promise not to tell
I swore to it, as my anxiety started to swell
She said that she carried a little girl’s crush
My face turned a crimson, as I started to blush
She drew a deep breath and slowly let it all out
She said I am the guy she is talking about
At that very moment, I was lost in an unreal blissful sea
I was enraptured with an overpowering ecstasy
I told her that the feeling was mutual in every possible way
I have no idea what happened later that very day
All I remember is her infectious smile I know so well
I was enveloped in her divine spell
From that moment on, she was with me wherever I went
Her contagious personality plagued my mind, despite any event
The next four incredible weeks of my life were all with her by my side
I came to the epiphany that I loved this girl for who she was, not her hair that she died
Her ridiculous beauty, incredible body, and provoking looks were what started our romance
But, should that not have been so, they would not affect my stance
I fell for her, not what she wore
Her loving, caring, funny personality is what I adore
I told her she’d still be my mine
Even if she was fat, buck-toothed, and her mouth a crooked line
My friends thought I was losing my mind
They kept on asking me how I could be that blind
They simply did not understand what love meant to me
It came about from the small things, such as drinking tea
It came about from moments, like when she sat next to me
I’ll never forget the time when I was crying and distraught
With tears blurring my vision, she knew I was overwrought
She sat next to me and told me it would be okay
She rubbed my shoulder regardless of my attempts to get away
She handed me an item to wipe my tears
No one would have done this for me, not in a hundred years
She handed me her small, red, glove
That is love
As petty as that may appear
There lay not a single demur
I knew that I loved this girl, ever so
It felt as if I had met her, long long ago
She told me that in order to love another, she must love herself; she must know
This took a while for me to understand
The abstractness sure had my mind to bend
I wondered how she could not love her person
It seemed obvious to me, there was nothing that could possibly worsen
The next thing I knew, she told me it had to end
My whole being was ripped in half; impossible to mend
Everything I thought I knew was not true any longer
She flipped my world upside down as if she was stronger
I never had experienced anything like this
It was, as if I was being sucked into a deep, heartless abyss
I wanted to do everything to save our connection
But she evidently no longer holds her old affection
I trust that she will advocate for herself; she knows best
Despite how much I detest
I want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me
I felt as if our love was the beginning of a tree
I expected it to grow old, attaining many rings
But she uprooted it with the power of one-thousand flippant kings
I should not have let myself get too involved
My reality has completely dissolved
Nothing will help, not even the liqueur
I simply cannot defer
There is one last thing that I must do…
How Do I Forget Her?