Second poem -- critique appreciated

[Ethereal]

The rhymes don't seem to fit this poem. It depends on how you look at it though. I do some things I call "demonic rhymes". And looking from that point of view, I can see them as having some purpose. The rest of it does seem to need a little something more, but I'm not sure what right now.

Thank you so much for replying. \(^0^)/
I definitely know that it needs something more, but I can't place it either. I think the problem might be that I was pretty depersonalized while I wrote it, so there's not a whole lot of emotion in it. At least, not to me. Anyways, thanks for your help. =D