02-28-2013, 12:56 AM
(02-27-2013, 11:40 PM)billy Wrote: hi love phantom and welcome to the site.Oh yeah, u are totally right... sorrow is a noun in English,in spanish it can be an adjective too (checked with word and it did not complain about it) and sprouts is not plural of sprout? (noun, not verb). Maybe i am trying to "play with words" the same way i do in spanish and it sounds weird in english!
there are some grammar problems. in the 2nd line it should be sorrow's i think, and on the 3rd it should be sprout.
other than that it's not too bad, if you use microsoft word it should help with the grammar side of things.
the problem the poem does have is that it has no specifics, some depth would improve the poem a lot
About the depth and specifics... i kinda feel there is a lot of depth in it... it talks about the feelings when an almost non born love is gone, its not random images on it, every word has a meaning... The crying and pain, the love that just born dies (dried), the emptiness that comes afterwards... the deaf silence of a dead heart. All this just happened to me now...
But maybe the concept of depth u are saying is different than mine, so if u could please develop it more it will help me a lot.
Thank you a lot for your comments!