02-27-2013, 10:17 PM
Hey! Nice poem indeed! Thank you!
But yes, this line: "With something worst than a knife." need to be worked in as you stated
And there is ground used twice for the rhyme... it felt a bit weird when i read the second one that made me recheck going up till i found the other one. Is not that is wrong, but maybe you can try to use other word for the rhyme (down, wound...).
And yes, second version is way better, much better rhythm (nicer flow) and better images! Thank you!
But yes, this line: "With something worst than a knife." need to be worked in as you stated
And there is ground used twice for the rhyme... it felt a bit weird when i read the second one that made me recheck going up till i found the other one. Is not that is wrong, but maybe you can try to use other word for the rhyme (down, wound...).
And yes, second version is way better, much better rhythm (nicer flow) and better images! Thank you!