Tea and Biscuits

[Keith]

the edit feels a lot easier/nicer to read. so well done there. there seems to be a lot of tell and it make the narrative verge on prose. the lancaster line helps you out a little but i think a bit more imagery would help make it more idyllic

1st Edit
The scent of cut grass drifts on the last of the evening’s heat,
house bricks radiate warmth from a day’s baking,
the fanfare of playful din has gone from street,
bumbling Lancaster's are on their last mission ,
midges take flight tracing unseen lissajous figures.

The garden, at its best carries colour, vibrant and balanced,this feels heavy, as if you squeezed too much into it
sunk on our kissing chair, noses burnt from the days offering,
tea cups stand proud above a plate of biscuits, ripe for the dunking,
tired bodies capture rested moments quiet and calm,
the sun’s angle allows eye's to stretch into cooling shade.

Stella makes us laugh, snapping at a hover fly, who is stella, i thought it was lager at first
too hot to move from her cool spot under the Maple, so it's a dog?
her panting adds urgency to a parched mouth,
best china clinks, little fingers rise to the occasion,
the dryness of the day runs golden amber.

Contentment closes our eyes and slides us back in our seats,
we bathe in brief sunlight that falls beneath the trees,
sleep finds my lolling head and thoughts nod unfinished,
landing tiptoed birds listen for their supper with cocked heads,
a token bark breaks our trance, just in time, for another biscuit.

Thanks Billy had another go