02-26-2013, 07:39 PM
well I don't have too much for you but here are two little areas that you might wanna work on:
"the life I knew
the one I left behind"
-the second line there seems forced/ too long. condense it maybe?
"and I drive
to that familiar place
and I find
love from a familiar face"
-the last line has an extra syllable. personally I think "love from familiar faces" would work better, but you may not like the "s" in there. I think especially for a song exact rhymes aren't too important. imo.
"the life I knew
the one I left behind"
-the second line there seems forced/ too long. condense it maybe?
"and I drive
to that familiar place
and I find
love from a familiar face"
-the last line has an extra syllable. personally I think "love from familiar faces" would work better, but you may not like the "s" in there. I think especially for a song exact rhymes aren't too important. imo.
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.