02-26-2013, 03:49 PM
(02-22-2013, 04:41 AM)Jae Mc Donnell Wrote: Butter churns, ice meltsI really enjoyed the meaning in the last line and the imagery you chose. You didn't need the middle line though. 'Ice melts' was enough to evoke the idea of water, so the second line becomes repetitive. I'd play with the middle line.
to flowing water, all
hearts are made of flesh.
Flesh. I like that word. It's meaty, isn't it?

