Yellow Feevah

[billy]

it's clear that sex plays a part of the poem, though i think you need less ambiguity. the 4th line; is that a woman? i read your reply that it's about a white in an asian bar, i think you need to add a bit more and make the fact just a bit more obvious.

started out as a srenyu ended up as this


A jade oasis
in an achromic desert.
Take me in one gulp!

A giant pool of adolescent goo
is dancing poorly on the barroom floor.
What once became a creme hormonal stew
is swirling in between me and the door.
It is the last gizzum of consciousness.