Shadows

[hobbit86]

First edit

Being chased by a shadow,
With such darkness deep inside.
It follows me where I go,
There is nowhere I can hide.

Slowly my soul it consumes
Tearing apart, limb from limb,
Blood is pouring from my wounds
The darkness begins to win.

My eyes are but a shadow
Of what they used to be,
Glazed over from tortured pain
The shame is all they can see.

Mouth spews only vileness
Words of hate, despair and lies.
Truth hidden beneath a mask
No one can see the disguise.

My body's just a vessel
Full of endless shame and rage.
The shadows taken over,
Soul trapped in a self made cage.

All thoughts begin to vanish,
The end is plain in sight.
A foul darkened gale
Blows away my fading light.

What you see is not alive
It is dead from deep within.
Rotting and poisoned to the core,
A body so full of sin.
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I've had a go at making it less personal...by removing some of the 'my' and 'I' etc...

Also...not sure if it's correct to do it this way...but I've tried to make most of the lines 7 sylabuls in length rather than 9 here, 8 there...6 etc...I've read about the meters and I just cannot grasp how to make IP etc work...so I thought if I could have a regular sylabul pattern that might help with rhythm...so 7, 5, 7, 5. or 7, 7 ,7 ,7...or 7, 5, 5, 7....will that work, or should I be using a meter like IP etc?