Heat Stroke

[brandontoh]

The shadow’s message is night;
you are the sundial it follows all day,
measuring the searing earth silently, tick-tocks,
that echo in a fevered mind. -- Good stanza. It starts the poem up so nicely and sets the mood for the rest of the poem. I really like the imagery too.

Heat hammers down nails
in sync with a faint heartbeat
through swathes of turbans,
with malaise eyes watch a papaya orange sun a
slice itself every stroke of the hour
to reveal beads of black seeds. -- Again, good stanza. You further strengthen the imagery established in the first stanza and makes it more evocative. It leaves the reader wanting more. =)

The lengthening dark strip taunts,
moving in widening circles, waiting
until it’s twelve, when it condenses
into tiny black drops eddying
under camel leather slippers, to disappear
past thin soles in a toe-ring’s tinkle. -- Ditto this stanza. =)

Children of the sun, reeling
under an almost-year-long-summer,
their feet pregnant with dark dreams
to lend to monsoon clouds. -- Really beautiful finish. The feeling I get from the whole poem is that the imagery slowly zooms out, and it's illustrated quite clearly. The word choices are also very good. A very nice piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it, thanks for the read! =D

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