Gentle Hands

[hobbit86]

Thanks for all your comments Brandon - Not harsh at all! That's why I've come on here, I want to make the poems I've written better. They are all really personal to me (although all poets writing is personal for them, lol) and I just want to make them better, so don't worry about sounding harsh, you're not insulting me, you're giving constructive criticism

Just wanting to get some ideas so when I'm in a creative sort of frame of mind I can sit down and make some tweaks.

I tried to get each stanza to 'mirror' the other.
So first line always started with something about the hands (teenage, arthritic etc...), and with each new stanza, my hands aged.
2nd/3rd line was what the hands held/hold at that 'age', and the changes/what happening to them.
And the 4th was about the pain/suffering.

I can see now that within trying to repeat the 'theme' in each line, I've also repeated the words; as you pointed out 'these hands' and 'held'...I thought repeating the words would keep the flow and similarities, but yer, I can see it just looks too repetitive.

So just need to make some sentances stronger and stop the repetition,