02-12-2013, 06:08 PM
@ Todd, I've posted another edit up the top.
I have to confess this has been causing me some trouble. The comments and notes you have given have been very helpful, but I suppose the difficulty is arising because of which way round I work on a piece like this. (I prefer to work on the intended images in the allegory first and then slot in the fillers of text and work on the quality of the write after I have set the key text into concrete. Working this way round I keep finding that I'm loosing sight of my core story and pictures in my attempts to improve the flow and I'm concerned that I might not be able to unearth them again..if that makes sense).
This was birthed out of a very tight dream / vision I had whist walking on the beach. It is important that in this first chapter the beach remains a recognisable picture of a beach and does not become an individual person.
Without wishing to give away too much, part of the vision was that there is only one beach. She has her feet buried under his garment (like Ruth under the cloak of Boaz - her kinsman redeemer....and all that good stuff!). Yet under his cloak her feet become mingled with the same from all her sisters. they all have an individual and unique relationship in which the lover visit them all - equally. But there is only one beach. Black sand, yellow sand, mud, pebbles, rocks - they are all still one and part of the same that reaches under his garment. The image of a physical beach in part one is key to being able to maintain this in the later parts. I need it cemented in!
Thanks for all of your help it is much appreciated. AJ.
I have to confess this has been causing me some trouble. The comments and notes you have given have been very helpful, but I suppose the difficulty is arising because of which way round I work on a piece like this. (I prefer to work on the intended images in the allegory first and then slot in the fillers of text and work on the quality of the write after I have set the key text into concrete. Working this way round I keep finding that I'm loosing sight of my core story and pictures in my attempts to improve the flow and I'm concerned that I might not be able to unearth them again..if that makes sense).
This was birthed out of a very tight dream / vision I had whist walking on the beach. It is important that in this first chapter the beach remains a recognisable picture of a beach and does not become an individual person.
Without wishing to give away too much, part of the vision was that there is only one beach. She has her feet buried under his garment (like Ruth under the cloak of Boaz - her kinsman redeemer....and all that good stuff!). Yet under his cloak her feet become mingled with the same from all her sisters. they all have an individual and unique relationship in which the lover visit them all - equally. But there is only one beach. Black sand, yellow sand, mud, pebbles, rocks - they are all still one and part of the same that reaches under his garment. The image of a physical beach in part one is key to being able to maintain this in the later parts. I need it cemented in!
Thanks for all of your help it is much appreciated. AJ.