Warming Hearts - Edit

[Todd]

Hi Heather,

A few comments on your poem below:

One thing that stands out to me as a possible issue is an over reliance on modifiers, rather than continuing to develop your imagery.

I enjoyed your first two lines, but then I get to:

subtle voice
speaking softly

later you have

pervasive frost
piercing chill

I'd like to see less adjective and stronger nouns. I'd like to see more interesting use of imagery as a substitute.

You also have the light talking to you, giving you affirmations. It may be better to see it performing a more physical action that results in these ideas. As it sits, it comes across a bit like a motivational talk, and that in and of itself doesn't carry a lot of emotive power.

You do have some nice lines mixed in here. I like what you do with the sun on the snow and the whiteness blinding for instance. As I said, I like the initial image in the first two lines. Also, your last three lines have some promise.

I hope some of these comments will be helpful to you as you consider your poem.

Best,

Todd