02-11-2013, 07:21 AM
Hi Amy,
Welcome to the site!
Here are some suggestions for your poem:
1) phrases like full speed ahead, stepping stone, and guiding light are cliches. If you've heard it before than it is likely something you should cut from your poetry.
2) This poem is made up more of statements and not as much grounded in figurative language. Here's an idea, what if the poem really used stepping stones, like the speaker was trying to leap across a creek stone by stone...could that become an extended metaphor to ground the poem?
3) You're attempting to rhyme without meter. I suggest checking out the poetry practices that use meter. Read through them and try some. This is something that takes practice to get good at.
I hope some of that helps.
Best,
Todd
Welcome to the site!
Here are some suggestions for your poem:
1) phrases like full speed ahead, stepping stone, and guiding light are cliches. If you've heard it before than it is likely something you should cut from your poetry.
2) This poem is made up more of statements and not as much grounded in figurative language. Here's an idea, what if the poem really used stepping stones, like the speaker was trying to leap across a creek stone by stone...could that become an extended metaphor to ground the poem?
3) You're attempting to rhyme without meter. I suggest checking out the poetry practices that use meter. Read through them and try some. This is something that takes practice to get good at.
I hope some of that helps.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson