02-10-2013, 08:31 PM
Thank you, Billy! Yes, that line's really annoying me - I have a few half-formed alternatives in mind but I'm going to give it a bit of time before I try anything else with it, I think. Thanks for reading and the positivity! 
eta: Right, fiddled with that line a bit. Thought about what Leanne said about the absence of the writing conceit in the first stanza and Billy confirming my annoyance with the teeth-keys analogy, and thought the idea of a 'life sentence' would fit nicely with the previous line's play on 'safety in numbers' whilst working with the literary idea. Hope it works for you!
eta: Right, fiddled with that line a bit. Thought about what Leanne said about the absence of the writing conceit in the first stanza and Billy confirming my annoyance with the teeth-keys analogy, and thought the idea of a 'life sentence' would fit nicely with the previous line's play on 'safety in numbers' whilst working with the literary idea. Hope it works for you!