Tea and Biscuits

[Keith]

As a new member of the forum I will tread carefully here, there is much I like in this yet I think it could be improved but then again that would only be to suit myself if that makes sense, how much do you change from others suggestions before a poem ceases to be your own work, always a tough one for me.....

Our garden drifts over to meet us on the last of the evening’s heat,
the house bricks radiate warmth from a day’s baking,
bees are on their final run loaded with pollen, [b]this and the next line more or less say the same thing, I like the bumbling Lancasters bit maybe try to put the two into one line " lancasters loaded with pollen " something along those lines and add in another line to keep the flow
bumbling Lancaster bombers on their last mission ,
midges take flight tracing unseen lissajous figures. I had to look up lissajous, fits nicely but I lost the flow wondering what it meant

The garden is at her best she carries colour, vibrant and balanced, maybe a comma after colour?
we sit on our kissing chair, noses burnt from the days offering,
two cups of tea orbit a plate of biscuits, ripe for the dunking, not keen on the tea orbiting the biscuits, dosen't make sense to me no matter how I visualise it
tired bodies capture rested moments quiet and calm,
the sun’s angle allows eyes to open into cooling shade.

The dog makes us laugh as she snaps at a hover fly,I'd prefer we laugh at (name of dog) as she snaps at a hover fly, makes it more personal I think
too hot to move from the cool corner of her step,
the fanfare of playful din has gone from street,
best china clinks as our goblets rise to the occasion,
and the dryness of the day runs golden amber. great line

Contentment closes our eyes and slides us back in our seats,
we bathe in sunlight that blankets beneath the trees, can't quite get the blankets bit
sleep finds my lolling head and thoughts nod unfinished, like that ,thoughts nod unfinished, great line
landing tiptoed birds listen for their supper with cocked heads,
her bark breaks our trance, just in time, for another biscuit. again dogs name maybe?

enjoyed the read and hope this counts as mild critique, if not I apologise[/b]

Many thanks for your comments Smiffy, I will have a look and use them in the edit. much appreciated TOMH