Monsoon Song

[Todd]

Hi lolo, you have some lovely imagery here. Comments below:

Spring was just a fleeting shadow--This is one of the few times I don't mind just in a line. That said, I still don't think you need it. The but you later still gives that sense to the strophe
of bees on petals for one fortnight a year,--love bees on petals here
but you, we cherished more.

You rolled in on purple dreams,--I wasn't fond of purple dreams at first. It didn't convey a lot to me. I see where you're going with it, and I like the way it plays off of orange, but its still a little vague filler for me.
bringing respite from baked clay-stoves,
from coaxing orange from smoky firewood.--gorgeous two lines here. I love how you can see coaxing orange from smoky firewood both visually and as an action. Very well done.

We heeded the easterly's call,
hung hemp-ropes on trees,
swinging, we sang our love,

awaiting our menfolk’s return
to villages from towns
to reap green from paddy fields--All of this feels very understated and real. I like the reap green in the fields because green hints to life and both aspects reaping and green (your third color) provide a wonderful transition to the next line and a different type of fertility

and sow our wombs.--great line. Good choice to set it apart.

Then the world turned,
now you come too late,
too early, too little or too much--I like how you structured this

Wearily we wonder which river--I'm not a big fan of wearily. I think it might be better shown in an action
will overflow its banks, or when you’ll be released
from burgeoned dams to flooded roads.

Gorgeous poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to more of your work.

Best,

Todd