i see it as a literal sanke but not the slither kind. i get an impression of streetwalker (mainly from the first line) with the lines formatted the enjambment works without i don't think it does.
i think it;s a well written poem. good to see ya on the site
as for the title, i think it works if my takes right, if not then i'm not sure what to suggest.
i think it;s a well written poem. good to see ya on the site
(02-07-2013, 05:19 PM)jestalessa Wrote: "Serpent" ... or something to do with reflex, or cause and effect, or unwanted results. hay-elp!
The frost hung shapes on my breath
tonight
meeting the crumpled imp-
[ind][ind][ind] [ind][ind][ind] [ind]lication of skin un-
[ind][ind][ind] [ind][ind][ind][ind][ind][ind][ind][ind][ind][ind] dressed i've tried to set this out for you to look snake like which is what i think you wanted to do. visually it adds something
With a murder of screeching birds
cracking skulls, necks
wings
against their bone-barred cage i like the image of restriction.
I know you heard them
as for the title, i think it works if my takes right, if not then i'm not sure what to suggest.