02-07-2013, 05:31 PM
Welcome back J! I've just moved your poem from Serious to Mild -- we've changed the rules a little since you were here last, so we prefer people to post a few critiques of their own before posting in Serious -- I know you'll be good with that, but rules is rules 
Nice opening line and an interesting inversion of the more usual imagery.
Liking the break on imp-, that adds a nice bit of ambiguity, but I'm not at all sure of the purpose of repeating it on un-, that just doesn't seem to hold its own.
Bone-barred cage -- ribs? So the wild action discussed in that stanza is the heart? It's good, I'm just clarifying that I'm on the right track (or not!)
I wonder if the last line would benefit from "too" at the end.
Terrific to read your stuff again, make yourself at home.
Nice opening line and an interesting inversion of the more usual imagery.
Liking the break on imp-, that adds a nice bit of ambiguity, but I'm not at all sure of the purpose of repeating it on un-, that just doesn't seem to hold its own.
Bone-barred cage -- ribs? So the wild action discussed in that stanza is the heart? It's good, I'm just clarifying that I'm on the right track (or not!)
I wonder if the last line would benefit from "too" at the end.
Terrific to read your stuff again, make yourself at home.
It could be worse