02-06-2013, 02:28 AM
(02-05-2013, 04:03 PM)Heartafire Wrote:thank you very much for your input...of course rhymes are more of my style...i've never wrote in any other style before...well haikus in 3rd grade but don't remember those...but i wouldn't mind trying something new...so i might try writing without rhyming...thanks(02-05-2013, 01:56 PM)jonathan1787 Wrote: thanks for your input...after taking another look at it...i've actually noticed that i had repeatedly used love many times throughout this poem...so i'll be working on not repeating words that often...thanks again...^_^
Hi Jonathan, I enjoyed this love story very much. I came across a couple of lines that tripped me up a bit. For example I feel this line does not flow quite as well as one might like:
"he could not find what words to say"
I would love to see your poem written in freestyle without concern for meter or rhyme. This has good potential and I want to commend you on a very pleasant read.
My best,
Heart