02-05-2013, 05:02 PM
Hi Heslopian (Is it Jack?..sorry can't remember all the names from the roll call thing).
Your poem at first read is short and bitter sweet and allows the reader to skim through without much surface disruption. But I find on subsequesnt readings the creep of disquiet sets in and I am subtely drawn into the same pitfall of that insatiable desire for the "nasty" things in life. Your poem is very clever in my opinion in creating a sort of internal feedback loop within the mind. The initial reaction of "Oh no we don't do that sort of thing", whilst holding our little finger aloft from our tea cup, is quickly exposed for the lie that it is when we start to ponder the aspects of the word / examples choices presented. Why Mengele?...I'll just have a quick look and make sure i didn't miss something from his bio. What do those hippies get up to?...and oh my God they burn queers do they, I'd not heard of this before (and so on).
Well penned sir. You have set a skillful trip wire.
The other thing i enjoyed the journey on was the choice of apple sauce to go with your chicken. (Why chicken and apple took me down a path that left me wanting the chicken to be de-skinned. The whole Eden thing and animal welfare issues going on for me in there).....I know I need to get a life.
Oh and last thing i don't think the (I wouldn't) needs to be moved.
Thanks for the read.
AJ
Your poem at first read is short and bitter sweet and allows the reader to skim through without much surface disruption. But I find on subsequesnt readings the creep of disquiet sets in and I am subtely drawn into the same pitfall of that insatiable desire for the "nasty" things in life. Your poem is very clever in my opinion in creating a sort of internal feedback loop within the mind. The initial reaction of "Oh no we don't do that sort of thing", whilst holding our little finger aloft from our tea cup, is quickly exposed for the lie that it is when we start to ponder the aspects of the word / examples choices presented. Why Mengele?...I'll just have a quick look and make sure i didn't miss something from his bio. What do those hippies get up to?...and oh my God they burn queers do they, I'd not heard of this before (and so on).
Well penned sir. You have set a skillful trip wire.
The other thing i enjoyed the journey on was the choice of apple sauce to go with your chicken. (Why chicken and apple took me down a path that left me wanting the chicken to be de-skinned. The whole Eden thing and animal welfare issues going on for me in there).....I know I need to get a life.
Oh and last thing i don't think the (I wouldn't) needs to be moved.
Thanks for the read.
AJ